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It's Ok That You're Not Ok: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

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Still, I’m glad that Devine’s book may shift or expand how we talk about grief, to promote more compassion and emotional awareness. Many people wanted details about her illness and about her risk factors (she had none of them by the way; no family history of cancer and no other known risk factors). While this relationship between lack of empathy and tolerating opposing views may be true sometimes, I also think that’s a huge and unmerited generalization. As a vocal sceptic with a history of disliking any self-help book I pick up, I was very hesitant when I saw that tag attached to this book at my library. Not OK is a book for grieving people, those who love them, and all those seeking to love themselves?

This is also a great book to give to family or friends who are trying to understand the best (and most genuine) ways to support someone in grief. Unfortunately, the author cannot help, despite her many protestations of the contrary, nudging her readers towards a “happily ever after” ending, although she tries to wriggle out of this inconsistency by trying to 'redefine' what it means to be happy. In the just under three years since, Leanne has continued to grow the virtual reality fitness community, Supernatural. My father passed away not that long ago so I wanted to read something that could help me process what I was feeling. This approach is perfectly sensible and quite common in many books on difficult subjects such as grief and cancer.You can change your choices at any time by visiting Cookie preferences, as described in the Cookie notice. Why well-meaning advice, therapy, and spiritual wisdom so often end up making it harder for people in grief ? Psychotherapist Megan Devine believes that making the world a better place starts with acknowledging grief, rather than seeking to overcome it. Finally, a resource emerged that allowed me to accept my grief without shame, excuses or timetables. In my worst days, they made me feel like I was broken, alone or “failing at working through my grief”.

Unfortunately, many of her points are partly lost in the background noise of the book, which could easily have shed a third of its content and be none the worse for it. This book is different from your normal self-help guides; it touches on the side of grief we don’t always want to face. Wellness takes a more human, self-kindness centric ‘do what you can and don’t feel too bad if at first, or last, you don’t succeed’ perspective but the book kind of asserts that we will eventually be happy only if we live up to what grief/life ‘asks’ of us. She calmly and lovingly explains what well-meaning people in our culture do with grief and she does it without blame or shame.

The first about 30 pages or more could have been summed up as “grief sucks”-but it’s said over and over in many ways. This book treats everyone, both mourners and the often clueless and lost friends who'd like to help but don't know how, with great kindness and empathy. Not OK, Megan Devine offers a profound new approach to both the experience of grief and the way we try to help others who have endured tragedy. It hasn't made things easier, my grief is still the heavy immovable object it was before, but I feel seen, understood.

In It’s OK That You’re Not OK, Megan Devine offers a profound new approach to both the experience of grief and the way we try to help others who have endured tragedy. This is where the book and I part company as the ‘different, but not better’ message becomes ‘different and happy ever after”. Emphasis on might, as this book makes sure not to preach or offer a “quick solution” to your grief, and actually makes a strong stance against that mentality in general.In wide ranging, insightful, deep conversations, Megan talks with people about their often invisible losses - and what they’ve learned about being seen and supported in difficult times. Many people who have suffered a loss feel judged, dismissed, and misunderstood by a culture that wants to “solve” grief. It's OK That You're Not OK is a book for grieving people, those who love them, and all those seeking to love themselves-and each other-better. Megan Devine shows us that rather than treat grief as an illness to recover from, we can approach it with warmth and understanding. Mark Nepo is a poet and philosopher who has taught in the fields of poetry and spirituality for over 35 years.

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