Confessions of a Plumber's Mate

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Stand Up Virgin Soldiers (1977) Writer Leslie Thomas revisits his Malayan war memoirs but this time the result is more akin to "Confessions of a…

Are you intimidated?” asks the ferocious Matron. “I don’t think so, but I’ve had a flu jab!” Rosie replies. Life is just a bowl of grapes for Timmy Lea (Robin Askwith) and his brother-in-law Sid (Anthony Booth) as they lie in the sun at the Funfrall Holiday Camp. As Entertainment Officers, their job is largely about keeping themselves entertained. But underneath the surface is pure gold – the result of Janice’s jailbird husband’s latest haul – and the new owner of the loo seat is Detective Inspector Wallings. Arriving at the station, they get into the first car they see – which just happens to belong to a funeral party. Rosie Dixon‘s funniest moment probably happened off-screen. When the movie was nearing completion, Belling and Parsons innocently invited the parents of cast members Peter Mantle and Carolyne Argyle onto the set. What the Reverend W E Mantle and Judge Major Michael Argyle thought of their offspring appearing in a soft-core porn film was never reported.

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Confessions from a Holiday Camp has the honour of being possibly the only soft porn movie to star John Junkin AND have a theme tune by The Wurzels (Give Me England) . So, porn with a touch of humour, you might say . . . and without a touch of porn. One of the girls, Brigitte (Linda Hayden), is a camp host and, therefore, ineligible for the contest, but she still has a very close relationship with Timmy. Filmed in the autumn of 1977, the movie was based on a novel by Christopher Wood – Confessions of a Night Nurse, published in 1974. Wood followed the character of naive suburban teenager Rosie over nine books between 1974 and 1977, casting her as an escort, a babysitter, riding mistress, barmaid and so on.

Inspired by primetime medical soap Dr Kildare, starry-eyed 18-year-old virgin Rosie Dixon (Ash) decides to become a nurse and enrols at nearby St Adelaide’s Hospital. The harsh reality of life on the wards is somewhat different from television, however, since the nurses are dominated by a tough, unfeeling Scottish Matron (Beryl Reid – wonderful as usual). More sexual shenanigans in the shower room at the local tennis club, and a bungled attempt to switch a fake Picasso at an indoor swimming party, leave Sid with only one alternative. To emigrate.

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Eventually, the beauty contest gets underway, compered by host Roughage (Colin Crompton), but the whole event is ruined before it starts by young Kevin (Nicholas Owen), who starts a massive cake fight. Even some of the corny jokes are well below the quality threshold we expected from the finest British sex comedies. Prior to Pop Performer, a sequel called Confessions from the Clink was considered but never got further than production notes. The guest stars (both in and out of bed) are of the usual Columbia calibre. Many faces are re-used from previous Confessions episodes, notably Liz Fraser as a dizzy housewife obsessed with winning newspaper competitions and John Le Mesurier as head surgeon Sir Archibald (more interested in the 3.30 at Newmarket than whipping out an appendix). While executive producer Norman Cohen directed the final three films, he was also originally supposed to direct Window Cleaner but stepped aside in favor of Val Guest. Guest was supposed to return for Pop Performer but didn't due to concerns from his wife about him being on set with various naked women.

In Confessions Of A Window Cleaner ( 1974) accident-prone Tim finds himself very much in demand with his female customers when he begins work as a window cleaner. Confessions Of A Driving instructor (1976) The third in the series of smutty comedies based on the novels of Timothy Lea is something of an embarrassment… Eric, one of the members of Kipper in Pop Performer, played by Maynard Williams, the son of Bill Maynard. The sight of him rolling around in an electric wheelchair, pinching bums and leering his way through his final performance as a hospital patient is almost painful, not to mention somewhat ironic, considering Askey had both legs amputated shortly after the film was made.Timmy and Glad are so noisy in their passion that they wake Sid in the chalet next door, and he angrily gets out of bed to peer through Timmy’s window. For pretty blonde-haired Ash, the role was gold dust and the trade papers spoke of her becoming ‘the next big thing’. Sadly it wasn’t to be. Her fame was eventually eclipsed by her sister Leslie, who incidentally took a small supporting role, with uncharacteristic brown hair, in Rosie Dixon.

This is great fun until the arrival of a new manager, Mr Whitemonk. He decides to change the bad habits and in doing so turns their lives into hell. That is until somebody has a rather good idea. The three mourners in Confessions from a Holiday Camp were all played by real-life siblings of Doris Hare. Confessions from a Holiday Camp is a 1977 is the fourth and last film in the series of risque comedy films that began with Confessions Of A Window Cleaner. When production of Confessions of a Plumber’s Mate was cancelled, Rosie Dixon unknowingly marked Columbia Pictures’ last foray into British sex comedy. Carry On Cruising (1962) The first Carry On movie to be filmed in colour and the last written by Norman Hudis, Carry On Cruising is…

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Every opportunity for smutty innuendo is seized in this hospital comedy as Debbie Ash suffers countless indignities in the title role. Confessions Of A Window Cleaner (1974) The first of four saucy comedies adapted from the best-selling novels of Timothy Lea - the pen name of Christopher…